Big brother will keep you healthy

A while ago I included a report (see 06 in this series) about the penalties Clarian Health plans to impose on its 13,000 employees if they don't follow the hospital chain's lifestyle expectation. I had no idea that a niche industry had been born.

Now I have learned from Tim Jones, reporter for the Chicago Tribune, that The Cleveland Clinic has started testing for nicotine in pre-employment physicals and won't hire anyone who tests positive. Weyco, Inc., fired four employees in 2005 for using tobacco and now penalizes employees with spouses who smoke or chew tobacco.

Don't stumble over this, thinking it's a campaign to motivate employees to lay off bad habits that could shorten their lives or sentence them to a sickroom. It's not that at all. It's simply a trend by business owners and managers to save money.

The harsh reality is that businesses are paying too much for health insurance for their employees and will do anything they can to pay less. The ideal would be to have a workforce that never gets sick, and they're working on this day by day.

They have a lot of support. Insurance companies want to cover only the healthiest of the healthy so they can invest the premiums in ventures more appealing than health care.

One employee, Anita Epolita, is still steaming after Weyco fired her in 2005 when she refused to stop smoking. "They're trying to change behavior after 5 o'clock," Epolito said. "What's next? No McDonalds? No caffeine? No Krispy Kreme?"

Indeed. Build huge hostels and require employees to live in them so their every move can be monitored. Invent devices for employees to wear that alert company officials when the calorie load is exceeded. Require a loyalty oath when hiring new employees with the penalty of surrendering all earthly goods to the company if the health rules are violated.

Here's how Tim Jones covered the story in the Chicago Tribune.